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Wed, Oct 3 '07
Woe is me....
Listening to: Sean Hayes
I have 2 hardcore, nearly-full-time jobs right now, great, but a little tough when this week, there are girls making me cry, and my home-brew is too sweet and full of sediment. We do, however, have a Spaniard staying at our house, who just rode his bike from Alaska to San Francisco. And he's staying an extra week because he met a girl. Awww!
By the way, by hardcore, I don't mean hardcore like in the NC-17 movies. It's just hard, you know? Clean yourself up.
Mon, May 14 '07
$1 hotdogs
Listening to: Track 15, Unknown Artist
This song rocks. Wish I knew what it was.
Yesterday. The Racetrack. White leisure wear, an old ten-speed, and my crew. $1 Race Day. $1 little tiny beers. $1 little tiny hotdogs.
Uncle Bergie so full of nitrates and Bud Light that losing money at the races still makes him feel like a winner. Called up momma for Momma's Day, and she picked a winner with Awesome Beginnings in the 8th to Show.
That's why 'mom' rhymes with 'the bomb.'
Fri, May 4 '07
I am Poop-Suckler!
Listening to: Miss Odd Kidd - Weed, Wine & Wankers (SLUTTT Remix)
OK perhaps you have seen a Z.O.N.K. show with our man Zachary performing a rare style of dance called Butoh. Well, Zachary's cat has now pooped on my bed.
Wait. There's more.. A month ago, as a roommate's dad slept downstairs, forcing him to stay in my room, I woke up with a cat poop ON MY BED. Oh, wait, not just on my bed. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE. So, said roommate wakes me up to call me a Poop-Suckler.
Fair enough. Then, just the other night, shuffling towards my beautiful silk chinese dragon print love palace of a bed in my dump truck pajamas and Chinatown slippers, I see it. Poop #2.
Send me your Kung Pao Cat recipes, because it's payback time. Heeeeeeere Malcom!
Tue, Apr 3 '07
Plans, plans, plans...
Listening to: Truck Backing Up
In world news, I am planning a little trip around the half of it in November. Nepal to California on a Royal Enfield motorcycle. Should be good kicks. If I live, I'll tell you all about it. There is a map in every room of my house.
Sun, Apr 1 '07
The Grammies
Listening to: Tinkling of wind chimes
Cousin Jen had me down for the annual Clive Davis Pre-Grammy party. My job was the Black-Eyed Peas talent wrangler. I had always wanted to kick their asses, so it was a perfect job for me. Not really. They were cool enough, though, and hanging with the stars always makes me want to gag, I mean play with myself, I mean practice 10 hours a day.
Miss you - Bergie
Wed, Dec 13 '06
Here's Death! twitching my ear: 'Live,' says he, 'for I am coming'
--Virgil, Roman poet, c. 70 - 19 BC
Tue, Feb 14 '06
What I did on my winter vacation.
Listening to: Table Top Joe, Tom Waits
Bergie's been a busy boy. Yes, he has! Let's go over the activities of our favorite cub scout over his extendo-vacation.
December 2005: Bike Aid Hawaii
Spending the cold winter weeks before the Lamb of God's birthday on the warm, inviting islands of Hawaii is pretty sweet. I won't lie to you. About that. I built a bicycle, threw it on a plane, and met up with 3 other interested parties, and we rode our steeds around the Big Island and Oahu over the course of 2 weeks (and 360 miles!). I was weak, pale, gelatinous and fully ignorant of what is going on in Hawaii when I got there. On the itinerary, riding 40-60 miles a day over steep volcanoes, green beaches, country trails, mean highways, each night meeting with local Hawaiian groups. Awesome experience, biggest shocker? Massive military presence, training, testing, firing, etc.. a lot of stuff you wouldn't see if you weren't on a bicycle. Check these guys out. DMZ Hawaii. Some inspiring people in this world, my friends. I recommend Bike Aid highly.
December 2005: Camping in Mexico
Met up with some old friends, headed out to the middle of the desert in Mexico, tent camping, campfire music whipping us into a carnal frenzy, fishing with a frozen prawn tied to a stick, outrunning banditos, the usual.
January 2006: The Great Snowball War of 2006
Took Princess Octopus, some of my favorite friends, Hojo the old dog, and the 5 year old frozen fish stick named Cypress out for a massive snow fort vs. snow fort battle to end all battles. There was crying, bruises, destroyed prides, and, like so many other wars, no winners. Only a bunch of losers, singing songs like Hojo's Load/Stinky Sock for hours 'round a fire, in a cabin with no running water or heating.
February 2006: X-Country skiing is hard, but hot tubs are soft.
Valentine's day involved cross-country skiing across two frozen lakes with my baby, a good deal of eating poop - figuratively, of course - ending up bruised and battered in a hot tub. A hot tub that a yummy place called Nephelle's will rent to you before you eat at their fine dining establishment. Ah. Valentines Day should always involve snow, wine, and pain.
Oh, and I'm no longer working at the job of death. And I've got a new apprentice to help me build cool stuff. And we here at Z.O.N.K have decided to pump out 2 new songs a month. I know. But they said it couldn't be done when I tried to build the sock-phone, and I proved them wrong there, so who knows?
Tue, Nov 8 '05
My brother's a genius, and an upright bass...
Listening to: Mouse on Mars, Agit Itter It It
I just love edIT and Mouse on Mars these days. Crazy weird electronic beats, marred only by occasional cheese. Stimulates my overactive, oversized, and oversexed brain to greater heights.
So, why is my brother a genius? He passed his PSAT and a kidney stone in the same day? No, but he did get some of his artwork in New York's Whitney Museum. He's good. Takes after his little brother, he does. Check it.
And don't tell ZONK (they don't know yet)... I just loaded a spectacular new upright bass into my 1992 Buick LeSabre Limited w/ Dynaride and Auto-Reverse Tape Deck, which I will proceed to unveil at ZONK practice in... 32 minutes. I am giddy, tinkling on myself.
Mon, Oct 3 '05
All I do is work. And wrestle children.
Listening to: Computers whirring.
So, yesterday morning, I wrestled two 9 year old girls for nearly two hours. I totally kicked their butts. First I was a woodpecker, and Anastaxia was an elephant. She whooped me. Then Shelby was a hippo and I was a germ. I was fully winning until she sat on me. Later, though, as an Octopus, I worked them. 1 on 2 victory. I am so strong.
Then I beat them both at tennis-racket baseball. 1 on 2. Again. Y'know, sometimes it just feels good to win.
It was nice to rub it in their faces, too, how much better at sports I am than them.
Now I'm working 12 hours a day. Sweet! I am getting fatter and softer by the moment! Like the dimpled leg of the great Hawaiian Queens of yore, my belly pours over my belt, down my legs, and right into my shoes! Then it walks right out the door and gets more to eat. Despicable!
workworkworkworkwork... go buy a cd, already! It's filesharing! That's the problem! I could retire nicely by know if all the people who have heard ZONK paid us directly for the privelege. That's what Metallica was talking about! They are so right on.
For Whom the Bell Tolls, beeyatch! OK, I've lost it.
Sat, Sep 17 '05
Diary! Ahh!
Listening to: Down, Johnny Quest
I've been working hard at my second job, but the hardcore-ness of it all is inspiring. Been in the basement here on bass w/ Johnny Twa on drums, some jamming w/ ZONK, coming up with new material, got one of them new Treo 650s. Kicks ass. mp3, photo, video, phone, organizer, browser, the whole 9. All implanted right into my temple!
no. Let's see. Went motorcycling with dad, Twa, Zach (my roommate who did the stellar Half Human artwork) today, up to Alice's Restaurant, and my dad is letting me keep his 2nd motorcycle for a while. fresh! Last time I borrowed it, I got hit by a couple cars on the freeway. This actually happened. Luckily I'm a wannabe stunt man, and wore my full-body protective gear, and wasn't hurt. The bike was in bad shape, though.
True story. That's all the news. Oh, and Hooman from Alice Radio has been playing our music on the air the last couple weeks. Awesome. Email him if you want to hear ZONK on the radio. He says he'll keep playing it if people keep writing about it. Hearing it on the radio makes it all seem sort of real. Or something. I was trying to make it sound more like a diary entry, and not just news, but really, I'm such a damn slacker on the diary lately, that that's the best I can do.
Peace.
Fri, Aug 5 '05
Snoop Dogg, John Legend, Kanye West... I'm you're new buddy.
Listening to: Interns giggling.
I love intern season....
So, I'm working with GOOD Music (Kanye's label) to make some of their new websites, 1 for Kanye, 1 for John Legend, 1 for Snoop Doggy Mother F'in Dogg. I told them that in leiu of paying me, they'd just have to let me be on the crew for Girls Gone Wild - Doggy Style II. No word back on that yet.
This weekend I'll be in Vegas for my bro's bachelor party, then I'll use my newly ordained clergy-ness to marry my brother and his fiance (to each other). I'm going to need some long flowing robes, perhaps a towering pope hat, and some words of wisdom. I've already got the official Universal Life Church frameable clergy certificate et. al., so if you all could use a reverend, you know who to call.
Mon, Jul 25 '05
Back in the U.S.S.R.
Listening to: The New Up
Oh, man. Touring is fun. Two (2) shows with the BeeFiftyTwo(52)'s, one w/ Kuma one w/ Beehive, one w/ some Nick Cave-like band who I thought kicked ass... What was their name? "Thee O'Kelly's", I think? I'll check on that. The Sinferno Burlesque w/ the best girls in the industry today, the Suicide Girls, dancing with knives, fire, straitjackets, blow-up dolls - piercings shining in the lights of Dante's Inferno in Portland, tattoos writhing in pulsating, undulating rhythmic ecstacy... even the girls at the table next to us couldn't help but give each other lap dances during the show.
We didn't know what we were getting into...
Now back at home, Saturday night w/ Polyrhythmic Records, and looking forward to 12 Galaxies w/ New Up & Artemis. OK... back to work.
Fri, Jul 15 '05
The B52's
Listening to: Children laughing, oh... now crying.
We just finished two days of shows with The B-52's, Saratoga Mountain Winery, then the Britt Pavilion in Jacksonville, OR. Venues were awesome, the staff hooked us up with good food and drink, we didn't get to hang with the 2's too much, spent a lot of time signing CD's/shirts, etc, for a load of new fans (each venue held a couple thousand, and were near or at capacity). It's good. 4 more shows, if Slabtown ever gets back with us (more like Slacktown... return our calls sucka!)
Walt and I went for a run this morning, we're staying at a friend's house outside Jacksonville, and after the fans were all up on us after the show, we realized we better be in shape, in case they make us take our shirts off and dance like the monkeys we are.
Dance, Monkey! Dance!
Wed, Jun 8 '05
Up til 5am every night.
Listening to: Oh the Things We Put In Our Heads!, The 89 Cubs
I've been doing some crazy late nights on the graphic design for the CD art, posters, and new t-shirts. Now, they're all finished. I'll post samples soon, but it was a labor of love. We're really trying to outdo ourselves, take everything up a notch, and do everything very high quality for this release, and it's taking it's toll on my body. Late nights, still have a day job (although I bailed on it yesterday to finish the posters), living on Red Bull and Rock Star, but it's going to be good. Man. I'm tired.
Anybody can help us set up our Oregon/Washington tour dates? We're having issues. Email me.
Wed, May 25 '05
We're gettin' close
Listening to: Hello Operator, The White Stripes
The ZONK cd is almost done, last night at Tower Records was fun... Nic was channeling Don Rickles... despite the sound malfunctions, I had a good one.
Incedentally, I've been playing a little with my buddies John and Angel - John wants to record some songs in my bedroom studio under the band name Los Kung Fu.... I don't have any of Los Kung Fu I can give you, but here's a track from an earlier collaboration with Mr. John Gibler. I love it, it's called John's Place.
Tue, May 24 '05
Oh, oh, Diary...
Listening to: Half Human - (Nearly Finished), ZONK
Just a quick note. Things are crazy with music, so it's a good time as any, as I absorb the latest from Dave's magic studio in order to give him final feedback on the tracks.
First of all, Dave is a genius. In fact, so are Nic and Walt, but I'll get back to them. Dave has massaged this album into a fine sourdough roll of goodness... with his video game sound design background, his heavy rock youth, his attention to detail, and his constantly changing hair color all coming together, indeed, working together, to produce this album. Now, I've tried my hand at this production thing. There's a difference between amateur and pro. Look it up in any dictionary.
Last night at practice for the first gig in a long time, I noticed that Walt is pulling out crazy trip-hop scratches, nailing his super-mega-tough Tittle-Tattle tapdance scratch, really developing his style when rapping, and generally being very talented (and funny).
Nic. Nic. Nic. Sitting here listening to all the songs over and over, I get to really listen to the lyrics... something I can't do while trying to create a bass guitar masterpiece. Aw, baby.. my, how you've grown. When we started this band, we were not.. um... good. I'm falling in love with the lyrics.
Oh, and Uncle Bergie! Just kidding. OK, I do love all my bass parts... some of them make me want to build a back-patting machine. Especially "Sold It For a Song" and "Half-Human" - which only came together the last day before I left for Nepal... I laid in bed with my Signature Carlos Rossigni Acoustic/Electric Abalone-Inlay 4-String all night trying to make the song not sound too happy. You try that on an upbeat section with all major chords... Shit's hard.
Mon, May 23 '05
Back in the U.S.S.R.! Er, U.S.A.!
Listening to: Half Human - (Unfinished), ZONK
Uh! The new album rocks. I'm getting down at work.
So! I'm back from the land of lentils and yeti and fake North Face� gear, and since I just answered my mom's request for info, I'll tell you what I told her:
It was great! We'll have an online slideshow available soon, maybe even this week - we want to add more than just pictures to give a real impression of what it was like, so it's not ready yet.
It was a bit sketchy going at this time... all sorts of warnings... "Nepal on the Brink of Humanitarian Crisis" was my favorite. I would say that it felt like none of that was going on, except for the wonderful lack of tourists and the military/police checkpoints, which were tame.
Everyone had heard that Everest was the safer region - it's in the NE and the Maoists have influence in much of the NW, but our guide convinced us to go on the Annapurna Circuit ... "The Best Trek in the World" - according to some traveller magazine I read... and we're glad he did. Not only did he grow up there, but due to the Maoists' transportation strike grinding travel to a near halt (it took us a day and a half to make a "6 hour" bus ride) there were maybe 8-10 other trekkers leaving that day... much less than the 100 or so you might get normally at this time of year.
Ahh, the Himalayas all to ourselves.
Our guide, Binod, helped us learn the language, how to play the bamboo flute, and taught us a lot about the culture and region, while most of the other trekkers, notably a couple from Sweden, a couple from Germany, and a couple from Russia (I became their unofficial translator - as all the others spoke varying degrees of English), went without guides. Our porter, Chandra Tamang, had an eternal infectious smile, and he would make us eat his dust within 10 minutes of our early morning starts, despite his foam sandals and the 50 kilo basket secured on his back by a strap around his forehead.
The best part for me was the almost daily change in ecosystem and culture - it seemed like a new country every other day or so... a different tribe of locals, graduating from hot river valley to green hills to alpine forests to rocky mountain to snow-covered pass to desolate, windy, rocky riverbed, to dense, rainy forests to the deepest gorge in the world - very green and spotted with lovely villages, to jungles, to rhododendron forests reminding us of the planet in the Degoba system where Luke first meets Yoda, to lakeside resort town, back to hot river valley, and finally back one of the most heavily polluted cities in the world, Kathmandu. That town is crazy.
But, this is just a teaser.. you must wait for the slideshow for more. There will be at least one Northern California and one Southern California showing (at Justin's house).
Finally, let me answer the rest of mom's very pertinent questions.
Did you fly into Lukla Airport in the Everest region? I hear it�s safest and that foreigners are somewhat protected and given room to roam in the classic trekking areas without worry.
Nope - we decided on the Annapurna Circuit, not close to Everest, but still containing several of the 10 highest mountains in the world (8 of the 10 are Himalayan). That is supposedly true that the area is safer, but we felt safe in Annapurna, as well.
Were you ever confronted by the Maoists asking for money as you trekked?
Interestingly enough, after fully preparing ourselves for the encounter, we never got extorted. Everyone else on the trek had to pay -- they give you a receipt so later Maoists don't double charge you. They consider it much like the conservation fee the government charges for entering the different regions of nepal... not extortion. History is written by the victors, so it is yet to be determined which it is.
Were there any strikes going on?
The transportation strike. It was kind of cool.
It�s sickening that such an outstandingly beautiful country has had to endure so much inner turmoil; I understand that after 10 years of warring and more than 11,000 people killed, the country is now on the brink of catastrophe. Is that the sense of it there?
Well, life goes on, even when your government is ineffective due to corruption and misuse of funds (Which seems to be the general sentiment of the people we met), and 100 miles from the nearest government office, a Maoist group working for the people might seem like a good idea. In our area, and Kathmandu, the country certainly did not seem on the brink of any sort of catastrophe, except perhaps politically - not something the average villager cares too much about.
The Annapurna trek goes through about 50 villages, all accustomed to 25 years of trekkers/tourists, so even the people we talked at length with may have been a little averse to telling us the grimiest details. Many were somewhat starved for business and hoping that the warnings against travel to Nepal would be lifted.
How do people feel about the king taking over?
In the Annapurna region, the few people we talked to about the king suggested that many people - due to the lack of information available about the incident with the former King's son - believe that the new King could have been involved... conspiracy theory stuff, except for the fact that there's been so much secrecy around the whole deal that, really, anything could have happened.
Otherwise, the one or two people who were willing to talk at any length about the King weren't exactly in love with him. Again, misuse of funds and corruption were words thrown around.
That's all you get for now. Finishing the new album madly, and looking at life with a fresh perspective. Nepal's good livin'.
So, this is my first chance to write from Nepal, at some 2 rupee/minute internet spot in Pokhara (the Nepalese Rupee is currently worth about 1.3 cents). We just got down from 20+ days trekking up to 5416 meters and back down through 150 miles of jungle, wasteland, mountain village, snowy pass, rocky riverbed, deep forest, etc., etc.
Our guide plays the flute, and I've been brushing up on my Nepalese flute licks for the 2006 ZONK album codename: "Yak Attack!". It should be a chart-topper.
Our mood is good, our legs extremely muscular, our skin tanned, our bodies so full of Daal Bhat (Lentils and Rice) that you may not recognize. You better, though. You better recognize.
Sat, Apr 2 '05
Alas, my dear diary, I'm checking out.
Listening to: Who's the Fat Guy, Top Secret Album
I can't get enough of myself. I saw a random link to our site from some Lycos mp3 search engine, and found this live bootleg from a show I played in New York at the Elbow Room with the cool cats from Who's the Fat Guy. I had forgotten about this show - I flew out to New York to stand in with the Fatties (from Boston) - got my damn rental car broken into - all 12 harmonicas stolen just an hour before the show.
I had to scramble, think quick Bergie. Cruised across the street to the blues club - just my luck, an old blues harmonica guy with his band from the deep south. I offer him whatever he wants if I could just have a G harp. His manager, this stern old white lady, is trying to shush me away while she talks business to him. "Damn woman, this boy needs a harmonica!" he says. I forget his name, but he saved my life that night. Here's the track, On My Way to Atlanta. Ahhhh. That was a good night.
On another note, this is the last time I'll be writing to y'all before heading out for our month in Nepal, trekking village to village under the shadow of Mt. Everest. Apparently the Maoist rebels have taken control of much of the territory, and we'll be paying them a "donation" when we meet them and their assault rifles on the road. Apparently, though, they're pretty cool, and will give us a receipt so the next roving band of rebels will let us by. Or maybe it's tax deductable. Who knows.
Oh, crap. I have to do my taxes. Tonight. Mmm.
I just finished a marathon stretch building out the new Global Exchange website. It's dope. Check it out and learn something.
I love you, diary. If I wasn't such a commitment-phobe, I'd marry you.
See you all in May - b
Mon, Mar 28 '05
Title track for new ZONK album.
Listening to: Deftones, White Pony
I've been listening to a lot of harder core stuff lately, Marilyn Manson, Faith No More, RATM, Tool, Jane's Addiction. Mostly older stuff, but I've been working late late late getting stuff done before my trip, so I'll take what I can get.
Today ZONK nailed down most of the 2nd to last track on the new album, which means I just have to get my bass and harmonica parts down for that, and one more track, and then leave it up to the rest of the crew to take care of things while I'm gone. It sounds very good, pretty much we figured it out just before I had to leave today, after an hour of "crap, I don't have a good part for this bridge, do you?", it just came together. Love that.
Now it's 1am, time to work for a couple hours.
Sat, Mar 26 '05
Rock shows and gun shots
Listening to: Led Zeppelin, IV (blasting from Zach's room)
Last nights show was great fun - although the Lady Kier DJ set wasn't as inspired as I had hoped, she was cool in person. Finding parking at 3:30am in the Mission was remarkably easy. No doubt just God's cruel way of setting me up for this morning's delight.
Phone's ringing off the hook. There's a banging at the door, I go stumbling out with no shirt on, flexing. "Are you Uncle Bergie, also known as El Jefe, also known as the Butcher of Beirut? " ... they were on to me... I start to panic, looking for my escape. "There was a shooting last night..." Oh man, I was a little tipsy, what happened? Did I lose it? Let's see... I was dancing, outside talking to old friends.. "Your car got shot".
Whew! I thought it was something bad! Oh wait, that is bad! I cruise over to my car to see three friendly coppers disloging a bullet from my window frame - glass everywhere.
Love this neighborhood.
Thu, Mar 24 '05
Websites crashing is no way to start a morning
Listening to: My own rapid heartbeat
So, I wake up this morning to my phone ringing. I rub my eyes, pick it up. "The ZONK site is down". Crap. I had mapped out my day to get the most work I could get done in the least amount of time, and this is going to ruin that, and, damnit, it doesn't look like it's easy to fix. Plus I have to be at work to cover for our IT hero who's out of town for the morning.
ZONK's freakin', I get a call from work ... "nobody's able to get mail since 7 this morning". F&@#!. So, midway through battling with these computers in my studio, I've got to run down and fix the mail server at work. Ahh, the life of a computer geek. People freaking out all around me...
Around noon, I fix the mail problem at work, run back home, back to work on the ZONK server, getting into the guts of this old Unix box I've got under my desk, finally rescue it around 3pm, and now I just have to figure out why it died in the first place. I think it's the spammers using my mail server as a relay. Rot in Hell, Spammers!
God, I'm a geek. I have to pee.
Mon, Mar 21 '05
Work work work work work
Listening to: Handsome Boy Modeling School, White People
I'm working my tight, muscular rear off getting ready for the month off. Everyone wants me to build them stuff before I leave... Oy vay, people. But, well, I need the money for the trek. (see nepal below).
Last night, Beeka and I got hooked up, first with tasty Thai food from Shelly straight back from Bangkok, then with hundreds of dollars worth of trekking gear from her and Tony's private collections. We're set now. Hiking every couple days, breaking in the boots, gear, and muscles, and finishing up work to get money and peace of mind. 2 days Hong Kong, 2 days Bangkok, 28 days trekking Mt. Everest.
Plus, we got Lady Kier and Simon Stinger playing with us Friday, and it's going to be a fat. ass. party.
Ahh. Work doesn't seem so bad now that I think of it. Time to get back to it.
Thu, Mar 10 '05
I saw Heart last night.. no joke.
Listening to: Rage Against the Machine, Rage Against the Machine
Damn, this is a good album. Morello's a genius. So, an old friend, Angelo comes in from New York, for some lame conference in San Jose and he invites us down for the main event.... Heart Reunion Tour. Holy shit.
Well, they can still play the songs, and "Barracuda" had the techies a-rockin', but, well, I was there to see Angelo more than Heart, so we all got wasted and tried to see who's funnier. Angelo is.
He comes up to casa de la fubbadah for a final farewell tonight. I'm still recovering from last night. Luckily Twa has a good sound system in his mini and all the old hard stuff (music, that is). Janes and Rage all the way home. I had to sit in my room and listen to Rage for another hour after we got home, it is so good. Sorry Lem!
Oh, I almost forgot! Twa and I finished "Tunnel Lover" last weekend. It's 22 Mb, but worth downloading if you want to see two idiots spend 3 months restoring a rusted out old bike. John did most of the work on the bike, and I edited it 80's montage style.. complete with 'Eye of the Tiger'. It's at mission underground.
Fri, Mar 4 '05
Another year closer to death, and I'm kinda into it.
Listening to: DJ Poison Oak, Bergen is So Hot and Sexy Mixx
After my adventure race earlier this year, I must say that I haven't been exactly keeping myself in prime shape. Better than your average American, no doubt, but every now and then, I lean forward, and my girdle bursts open, fat pouring off my body, filling the room, and drowning everyone in my vicinity.
Now, though, I've got a new reason for priming my nubile young body. Nica and I are heading off to Nepal for some serious trekking in April. A couple 2-day stopovers in Hong Kong and Bangkok, then 28 days of mountain trekking through the Himalayas, village to village, porters and guide in tow. I'd like to hook up a Yak, but I think that's extra. Anyway, we're squirrelling away our spare change, trying to hike the mountains of San Francisco in preparation, and generally getting a little hot and bothered at the thought of a month of good living. Luckily, the leeches don't come out until June, so as long as we filter our water, and refuse the lecherous advances of the Screaming Monkeys, we should be in pretty damn good shape by the time we get back. (Just in time for the ZONK CD Release!!)
So, yesterday was my birthday, and I'll just give you the highlights, since I should really be at work now, was last weekend. Big surprise party, Nic, Dave, Walt, Nica, Morris and Zach all throw in to get me a beautiful beautiful acoustic/electric bass. Pretty much looks like an acoustic guitar, only bigger, with 4 big strings, and a pickup w/ eq and volume. I'm in love with it. We'd been talking half-seriously about me getting a mexican bass, so ZONK could do acoustic sets. Ah... it's good to have friends with good taste. I love you guys! Plus, the "Send Bergie to Nepal" fund has now topped $300.... and I'm hoping for some late additions as people's birthday cards pour in....
That's all for now. - B
Fri, Feb 25 '05
Just finished my compilation for Global Exchange
I've got a volunteer pressing the CD art onto the 25 copies of "Social Justice is My Day Job: Art and Music from Global Exchange", a compilation I put together for all the great artists and musicians at the human rights group, Global Exchange.... ZONK included. I'm giving it as a gift to the staff at GX from the artists. It came out very nicely, indeed.
It's all posted on missionunderground.org, a new repository for my never-ending quest to start a renaissance.
Wed, Feb 23 '05
Lady Miss Kier...
Listening to: Angel Quesada, Ana (The Marijuana Song)
It's 1:33am, my kind of hour, listening to a recording I made last night at my house. Angel Quesada, a friend of Gibler's from the Texas Borderlands came to record a couple tracks in my studio, and Mike Fox stopped by with his fiddle after a couple months out of the states and turned one of the tracks inside out. Man, that boy can play.
Other than that, I'm prepping for my trip to Nepal w/ my baby - all's well on that front. I don't know where I'll come up with all the money I need - I may have to dip into some credit card. barf. fart. But, whatever.
Twa and I just finished our "Pimp My Bike" episode, fixing up Samya's bike without her knowing. She was very grateful, but unsure of what to do with a gift out of nowhere that took us over $100 and 50 hours to finish. Man, that was a mother. It looks hot, though. And she'll help us edit the show itself so we can use it as our art piece for the Montera B-Day party. Nica says John's my boyfriend because I spend more time with him than her, but I'm fighting those allegations in court.
Spent the weekend with my brother (engaged to a winner), his fiancee (a winner), dad & stepmom & Nica. Good times, my friends. I have a damn funny family.
Here, I'm already up late.. I'll post the Marijuana song, Ana. If you don't speak spanish, here's the gist. Guy offers girl some weed back at his place, Girl agrees, proceeds to smoke all his weed, leaves just a nug. Guy tells her off. A beautiful Peruvian Waltz and Venezuelan Joropo with cuatro, cajon, fiddle, handclapping, hooting, hollaring, and vocals.
I love ProTools.
Oh, yeah, and Miss Lady Kier's going to play with us. Sweet.
Wed, Jan 26 '05
The New Year is ripping me a New One
Listening to: edIT, Crying Over Pros for no Reason
My girl wants me to crap or get off the pot, and she isn't giving me much time to make my decision. Plus, we're supposed to go to Nepal in April for a month...Work is major drama, some people need to chill out a little. They might make me the bossman, or just leave me in the gutter... we'll have to see. I've been working until 4am on the ZONK audio player. Tight, huh? I think so. Click 'Hear the Music' in the top left corner to see. Our video project "Pimp My Ride" is coming along nicely. I nearly finished painting everything this weekend, and painted/organized the basement drum-room. Sure, it's only 6' tall, but that room is looking damn good. My godfamily is all chock-full of craziness. I love 'em, but shiiiiiit. At least my goddaughter's cool enough to go to the ol' log cabin with me. Snowball fights, snoman aliens, a little music (she's got the guitar, harmonica, and flute), and a lot of marshmallows.
Mufus have been shooting guns in the air in my neighborhood, some choad crashed his car into 5 other cars in front of my house, then parked, and ran his errands. My brother just proposed to his girlfriend. Awesome. E-Dawg is still quiet and working too hard to get over his slump, plus he just got his car broken into.
New Years was good livin'. Cruised to Santa Barbara, met up w/ Cousin Jenny, Jilly, and Shane, ate fondue and watched the sunrise from the beach.
So, we at ZONK are making another album. At least twice a week we're in the studio, working like dogs. OK, it's fun, and nobody pays us, but it's hard work kicking out new jams every half hour.
OK, I'm done. 3am. 'night.
Sun, Dec 19 '04
I am not prepared for Christmas.
Once again, I will be a little late in getting that special something for pretty much everyone who deserves it. Tomorrow morning (in 8 hours) I head off to Tahoe for a week of snowboarding, highly competitive speed solitaire, Dance Dance Revolution, and good times with 14 members of my family. Fortunately for me, my family is full of fun, interesting characters, and I have a feeling bringing DDR to the family gathering is going to be a hit.
I just hung up the christmas lights at home, a shining beacon of Yuletide joy in the bleak stretch of 26th St. that I inhabit. I think it looks quite cheery, despite my tired, confused state.
It's 3:47 AM, Saturday night, my roommates are still up, and I'm tired as all hell.
Sat, Dec 18 '04
Tour: Fun.
L.A. tour very fun. Concrete Blonde excellent in concert. ZONK getting many new fans. 2 XBoxes in our tour van, and Uncle Bergie now addicted to Dance Dance Revolution.
After these shows, I'm really excited to see what we come up with for the new album. Every night after the show, we would make up stupid new songs that had us rolling on the van floor, laughing.
Good. Stuff.
Tue, Dec 7 '04
Dance Dance Revolution is the most ass-kicking thing in the world.
Listening to: Johnny Cash, Murder
So, last night, Mel from DDR Spot came by and interviewed the ZONK team about ZONK's Tittle Tattle and or-if-is' Eye Spy tracks getting into the new XBox DDR UltraMix 2 game.
He brought a dance pad, an XBox, and the just-released UltraMix 2 (Hey Konami, where's our copies!?!). We danced our asses off, flailing and shaking like retarded chickens with inner ear problems, trying to follow the increasingly frantic commands coming from the TV. The best game out there today. Hands down. Of course, if you're a bad dancer AND afraid of making a fool of yourself, probably not the game for you. What you want is a good killing game.
Mel even gave us his copy to take down to L.A. (we've got XBox in the van we got from Bandago for the tour). Thanks Mel! We've got the whole interview and DDR session on video, which will get up on the site eventually. What?!? I'm a busy man.
It is now clear what the Tittle Tattle video will look like. A bunch of assholes dancing around on dance pads. Yes!
Mon, Dec 6 '04
Man, that was fun.
Listening to: Radiohead, OK Computer
So I've been getting to bed around 6am every night. I'm just like that. I get home, start building stuff, and the next thing you know, it's light out.
So it's no big deal that after our End of A Year show at Tongue and Groove on Friday, a whole drunken caravan of us head back to my place for the 'ol 3am dance party. Mark Ronson, the History of Funk vol. 4, the Meters ... Walt, Valerie, Emma, Twa, Thompsonini, and Benny and myself... damn there are some good dancers in the house.
Samya woke up around 4am, confused as hell...'why is there a dance party in my room?' she wondered. I love my roommates.
Wed, Dec 1 '04
The results are IN, and I may never eat again.
Listening to: Red Elvises Rokenrol Radio
"I've got a condom in my pocket/gonna meet me pretty girl"- Igor Yuzov
Two weeks after finishing my 10 day Master Cleanse, I have happy bowels, happy lungs, and a worried mom. I haven't been this regular since my brother dared me to eat a giant bag of prunes in elementary school. I've cut out about 99% of my ciggies, I lost about 7 pounds of fat, muscle, and grey matter, and I'm going to have the give the Master Cleanse a ..... (drum roll) ...... 9
I liked it. I don't recommend doing it without medical supervision and then telling your mom about it, but, well, the cold war is over. Russian Parasites 0, Uncle Bergie 1.
Thu, Nov 18 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: El Fin
Listening to: Ho' Down Quartet, their new CD, whatever it's called
Media Reaction: None
Yes, my friends, today is the Day of Broth. Broth and Rye Wafer, actually. I'm living like a king. I made a really yummy soup with a bunch of organic veggies, including a beet. I'm hoping for some beet-red, um, evacuations tomorrow. I'll let you know.
Eating all this would be better if it was a blue cheese burger instead of broth, but whatever, I don't want to die, like the story of Heidi's grandpa's friend who got out of a Russian concentration camp, got back to Germany, ordered a couple German sausages, ate 'em real fast, and died. I'm not into that. Not that I would die, but, well, we're talking about my colon here, so I'm trying to avoid any possible discomfort, know what I'm sayin'?
Anyway, I had my first mid-day poop in a while, it looked like orange juice niblets. Gross, I know, but hey, if you can't take it, go to one of the 1,000,000,000,000,000 other pages on the internet. Looked kinda tasty, actually. I'm just glad no one walked in on me, face inches from the toilet water at work.
That said, I might have been a little to hungry on the veggies in my veggie broth. We'll see tomorrow morning, but I've got to be on a plane to North Carolina by noon, so here's to some Smooth Movin'!
I'll get back to you all on the results of this experiment. It looks like there wasn't much of a foreign policy affect, surprisingly (don't they know who I am?), but I'm interested in seeing how my digestive tract ends up. Clean as a whistle? Damaged beyond repair? Don't move a muscle! I'll be back in a couple days!
Wed, Nov 17 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 10
Listening to: Survivor, Eye of the Tiger
Media Reaction: None
(Sorry this one's a little late)
I am a God Damn champion. I made the mistake of telling my mom about this fast last night. She freaked on me. Even my brother was a little concerned. Something about it not being healthy to starve your body of everything it needs, blah, blah, blah.
All my body needs is maple syrup, lemons, and cayenne. I'm hooked on the shit. Anyway, I'm done fasting now. Today I got to have some orange juice, getting ready for my Day of Broth tomorrow. Oh, and I'm not really listening to Survivor.
Incedentally, I went rock climbing today, after 10 days no food, and I kicked ass. Plenty of strength, pretty good endurance, and a good head of hair. Not bad, eh?
Tue, Nov 16 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 9
Listening to: White Stripes, De Stijl
Media Reaction: None
This morning I woke with a stomach ache. It was 5:55am, and my alarm had just gone off. I'm parked in a 6am zone, and the street cleaning always shows up within the first 10 minutes.
Pretty much I have a choice, relieve my aching stomach into the toilet, and risk getting a ticket (I currently owe over $500 in parking tickets), or move my car and risk crapping my pants (I am currently wearing really cool pants).
My roommate Zach just commented on my "symphony of doors to wake the dead" this morning, to which I explained my situation, running from my newly parked car, bursting through the front door, up the stairs, diving into the bathroom, slamming the door, sighing with relief, and beginning my day.
Tomorrow evening I get my first glass of juice in 10 days, followed Thursday by some broth, maybe a cracker, and Friday, perhaps even some real food.
I shot pool with Ryan 2x4 and Twa last night at Lucky 13, because Ryan failed to get a job at Activision, and is concerned that the love of his life, 6000 miles away in South Africa, may slip away from him if he can't get a job. A work visa proved too hard to get in London, and since she's from India, she would have trouble getting one here. A big bummer. So, I kicked their asses at pool as they taunted me with beer, cigarettes, and popcorn. Twa even had the gall to cook a pizza in front of me. Smelled good.
We talked about whether I thought this fast was a good thing. Well, I'm not smoking, I'm not overly tired or weak, I feel like I'm cleaning myself out, and I'm enjoying a new experience, but it all comes down to whether my digestion system is working better after I'm done. If not, it was cool, but unsuccessful, if so, then I may just become a regular faster. If it's truly cleaning me out, then I'm a fan. We'll see...
Tue, Nov 16 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 8
Listening to: White Stripes, De Stijl
Media Reaction: None
This morning I woke with a stomach ache. It was 5:55am, and my alarm had just gone off. I'm parked in a 6am zone, and the street cleaning always shows up within the first 10 minutes.
Pretty much I have a choice, relieve my aching stomach into the toilet, and risk getting a ticket (I currently owe over $500 in parking tickets), or move my car and risk crapping my pants (I am currently wearing really cool pants).
My roommate Zach just commented on my "symphony of doors to wake the dead" this morning, to which I explained my situation, running from my newly parked car, bursting through the front door, up the stairs, diving into the bathroom, slamming the door, sighing with relief, and beginning my day.
Tomorrow evening I get my first glass of juice in 10 days, followed Thursday by some broth, maybe a cracker, and Friday, perhaps even some real food.
I shot pool with Ryan 2x4 and Twa last night at Lucky 13, because Ryan failed to get a job at Activision, and is concerned that the love of his life, 6000 miles away in South Africa, may slip away from him if he can't get a job. A work visa proved too hard to get in London, and since she's from India, she would have trouble getting one here. A big bummer. So, I kicked their asses at pool as they taunted me with beer, cigarettes, and popcorn. Twa even had the gall to cook a pizza in front of me. Smelled good.
We talked about whether I thought this fast was a good thing. Well, I'm not smoking, I'm not overly tired or weak, I feel like I'm cleaning myself out, and I'm enjoying a new experience, but it all comes down to whether my digestion system is working better after I'm done. If not, it was cool, but unsuccessful, if so, then I may just become a regular faster. If it's truly cleaning me out, then I'm a fan. We'll see...
Sun, Nov 14 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 7
Listening to: William Shatner, Has Been.
Media Reaction: None
I went CD shopping today, after dropping my baby off to get her hair all purty. Open Mind Music is the greatest music store in San Francisco. They're letting me listen to everything before buying it, and I end up spending $85.. mostly well spent.
William Shatner's new album is great. Believe that.
I'm "over the hump" as Mike says it, just 3 more days before I ramp back up into the eating world.
While cruising through the Mission, smelling the foods, watching people eat, I'm thinking how much of our daily life revolves around the desire for food, people trying to get us to eat different foods, and I'm riding Grandma, my styling piece-of-shit cruiser, with no hands, down Capp Street, and I haven't eaten in 7 days. And I'm not hungry.
So, I got to play guitar with different musicians for something like 5 hours this weekend, some bass, even some drums. I've been getting exercise, I haven't smoked a cigarette in 9 days, and haven't eaten a damn thing in 7. Life is crazy.
Sat, Nov 13 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 6
Listening to: My Stomach Ingest Itself.
Media Reaction: None
Why is it that every street corner in the Mission has some tasty-smelling restaurant from some tasty-smelling country. Man! And then I have to go to the Riley James fashion show where Johnny Twa was modeling (some guy yelled "Hey Zoolander" - Twa had his shit ON) and they're shoving hors d'oeuvres in my face every 5 seconds, then Chay has a party, and he's a damn chef with 10 dishes stinkin' away, and I get home and Zach's making some garlic stuffed something or other. Gah!
Then everyone's drinkin' and smokin' and somehow... somehow, I just sip my freakin' lemonade yumminess, order one more bottled water and lime, and make it out alive. I've got new insight to an alcoholic going to her first party after rehab.
I can't wait to eat.
Oh, and Nikki - thanks for the bag.
Fri, Nov 12 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 5
Listening to: Al Di Meola, John Mc Laughlin & Paco De Lucia, Friday Night in San Francisco.
Media Reaction: None
So far, no major news outlets have taken up the story of my battle against the Russian Parasites. I don't know if they actually exist, but if they do, I'm sure I'm winning.
Every Morning, my liter of salt water goes through me, and I feel dizzy. I can only assume this is bad stuff being reintroduced to my body after hiding in my colon for years.
Yesterday, 2 people mentioned how great my skin looked. That's not normal. I've been taking a lot of Saunas down at Mission Cliffs, getting some exercise, and eating nothing. Going to work late, I've been super mellow, but otherwise pretty normal.
Nica's a little upset about my lack of sex drive, because she's moving to L.A. for two months, but, well, I'm at war.
Thu, Nov 11 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 4
Listening to: Johnny Cash, Unchained.
Media Reaction: None
Ah Day 4. I learned from yesterday's experience, that I've got to go super salty in the mornings. Today was much more satisfying. A good hour of salt-water in, salt-water out.
By now, I'm sure you're tired of hearing about my Bowel Movements, so I'll move on to the headaches and dizziness I feel after finishing the salt water morning snack. Today they're pretty bad. Day 2 was OK, and Day 3, the salt water wasn't salty enough. Looking at the screen is kinda painful, but I do it for you, diary.
I didn't weigh myself before this all began, but I just stood on a scale, waiting for 'ol salty to kick in, and I'm around 158. I think I was 216 when I started. I was also 6'3, and I'm down to 5'11! Now that's weight loss!
OK, I'm lying, I think I was one sixty something, probably 162-165.
It feels pretty safe to go to work, so I'm off.
Wed, Nov 10 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 3
Listening to: edIT, Crying Over Pros For No Reason.
Media Reaction: None
So right now, I'm sitting at my computer, waiting for the salt water to kick in. It's a good thing the lemonade tastes so good (I love cayenne), because the salt water blows. I made the adjustment from 2 tablespoons of salt to 2 teaspoons, and I thought this might make it easier to handle. I even tossed in a dash of soy sauce to make it taste like soup.
PUKE!
So, a little less than a full liter this time, since I barfed up a good cup or two into the sink. Barf is a strong word, because the only thing going through my body right now is salt water, no bile, no feces, no nothin'.
Anyway, nature is calling. Actually it's screaming. Gotta go!
Hmm... False alarm...
Tue, Nov 9 '04
Site Admin
Listening to: Cake, Prolonging the Magic.
Media Reaction: None
Well, I'm not hungry, at least, but I concocted my morning saltwater drink with tablespoons instead of teaspoons , and my ass was spoutin' like Old Faithful, every two minutes for 45 minutes. I'm clean as a whistle, at least. You could eat off of my colon. I don't recommend it, though.
Tue, Nov 9 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 2
Listening to: Cake, Prolonging the Magic.
Media Reaction: None
Well, I'm not hungry, at least, but I concocted my morning saltwater drink with tablespoons instead of teaspoons , and my ass was spoutin' like Old Faithful, every two minutes for 45 minutes. I'm clean as a whistle, at least. You could eat off of my colon. I don't recommend it, though.
Mon, Nov 8 '04
Hunger Strike/The Master Cleanser: Day 1
Listening to: The Darkness, Permission to Land
Media Reaction: None
Since I can't really move anyway, what better time to deprive my body of everything it needs right? Nica's roommate Mike (Lord Cheez) just did a 10 day lemon/cayene/maplesyrup fast, and I just had my second delicious glass.
Pretty much all I'll be drinking for the next ten days. Ok, that's untrue... I also get to drink "Smoothe Move" tea and a tall glass of salt water every morning. Seeing the Cheez's face after drinking it, I'm guessing it tastes about like you'd imagine. But hey, I'll get those fucking parasites I acquired in Russia out of my gut. 'Git! Do Svidania Parasite-ski! OK, I made that last word up.
So the next time you see me, I'll be looking like Gandhi, and hopefully, talking like him, too.
Mon, Nov 8 '04
Oh my God, my legs.
Dear Diary, I am a dumbass. So, I played 3 games of rugby yesterday. Huggies talked me into it. Here's how it went.
Game 1: punished.
Game 2: we're looking good, then they bring in all new guys for the 2nd half, and we have no subs.... punished.
Game 3: We get to play the younger Stanford undergrads... By this time, we're all in some degree of pain, but it turns out, we all like pain, so we proceed to destroy them.
I can barely move. But we don't have band practice for a week, and no gigs until december, so I don't need to!
Thu, Nov 4 '04
What's that sound? The Crushing of Souls?
Ah the heartbreak... well, working at a human rights organization, living in San Francisco, and watching the current administration closely in the last 4 years, I've found myself intently interested in politics.
Now, I'm no Bono, but I think we're pretty much fucked.
I'm going to get drunk tonight at the show and make up a song about how John Ashcroft anoints himself with crisco oil before taking office. And if you don't believe it's true, you can google that shit.
Then I'll make a 4 year prediction about the future state of the world.
... if nic will let me use the microphone.
Wed, Oct 27 '04
Any harmonica masters out there?
So I get all excited because I see ads for a harmonica teacher offering lessons for beginning to advanced students. Killer, no one offers advanced lessons! I've been looking for a chance to take my harping to the next level, right?
So, on Monday I get my first lesson...
Jenny is a very good harmonica player, a very good musician in all regards, but, alas, she refuses to teach me, refuses to even charge me for the time, because, in fact, we're on about the same level. Crapper.
Time to call up Stevie Wonder. Where's that number again?
Thu, Oct 21 '04
So. Um.
For some reason, I just agreed to play in a rugby tournament in about 2 weeks. Except for gigs, I haven't left this computer chair for about 2 months, and haven't touched a rugby ball for about 5 years.
This is going to hurt.
Sat, Oct 9 '04
I liked it in the Bottom
Well, that was pretty excellent. Last minute show, Friday night, at the Bottom of the Hill. Orixa was excellent, as I expected, and the Global Exchange crew came by (we're going to miss Dotlich), and my cousin, and all my roommates.. Nicole was feeling nauseous, but wouldn't let me convince her to puke on the audience in the name of rock n' roll. Are we getting soft?
Thu, Oct 7 '04
Dear Diary
Diary, tomorrow is going to be fresh. And now that this fargin' monkey-on-my-back website is done, I feel like a little schoolgirl again.
Thu, Oct 7 '04
Site Admin
Diary, tomorrow is going to be fresh. And now that this fargin' monkey-on-my-back website is done, I feel like a little schoolgirl again.